Gentle Goodnight
by northstar333
Summary: K&K, fluff and a little bit of smut. New chapter added
1. Chapter 1 Gentle Goodnight

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Standard Disclaimers apply.

Some smut content.

thoughts

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_Definitions_

Battousi - literally it means "the un-drawn sword," but as Kenshin's hitokiri nickname, it means that he is a master at drawing his sword. Kenshin's fighting style has many moves that start with the sword in the sheath and since he can draw his sword faster than anyone else, he is known as the "master of the un-drawn sword." 

futon - the padding the Japanese lay on the floor that serves as a bed

gi - a man's shirt, Kenshin wears this and so does Kaoru when she is practicing sword fighting

hakama - a man's pants, also worn by Kenshin all the time and by Kaoru when she practices sword fighting

hitokiri - a killer or an assassin 

Kaoru-dono - an old fashioned Japanese way of adding a respectable title to a person's name, English equivalent would be Miss Kaoru

rurouni - Watsuki-sama's unique word, derived from the Japanese word for wanderer, "ronin"

rurouni smile - I have used this to describe the smile Kenshin uses often when he is not sure how to react or wishes to hid his feelings

sama - an honorific attached to a name to signify a greater rank, means "lord" or "master"

uncouth - ignorant of social customs, acting outside the rules of polite society

Watsuki-sama - creator of Rurouni Kenshin

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Chapter 1: Gentle Goodnight

The candle flickered and died. Kaoru sighed, fumbled with the matches, then gave up on lighting the candle. It was late, and no matter how much she totaled up the numbers, the budget would not balance. Awkwardly she got to her feet, her muscles sore and her movements stiff.

Perhaps a lap around the grounds will loosen me up, Kaoru thought.

She pulled on a shawl and stepped out into the moonlight. She yawned and stretched, the cool air misting with her warm breath.

A slight movement from the steps alerted her to Kenshin's presence. 

I wonder what he's doing out at this time of night? she thought as she stopped beside him.

There was a moment of silence, then he spoke.

"The stars are brilliant tonight, aren't they Kaoru-dono?"

She settled beside him, taking a moment to study his profile before she lifted her eyes to the sky. "Yes. They look like tiny fire flies."

He turned to her then, and she could see the companionable grin on his face. Some of the tension between her shoulder blades eased as she realized that her company was welcome.

A shadow chased its way over his face as an owl winged silently overhead. They both looked up, but Kaoru studied Kenshin out of the corner of her eye.

A shadowed man**,** she realized. Someone haunted by a mysterious past I still don't understand.

Her thoughts grew pensive as she puzzled over what she knew of Kenshin and what she _didn't_.

She received a mild shock as Kenshin placed a cool palm on her forehead. 

"Do you have a headache, Kaoru-dono? I know you have been balancing the books again," he voiced sincerely. 

Immediately her thoughts returned to the present when she heard the concern in his voice. A tired smile tugged at her lips as she leaned into Kenshin's hand. She felt a pang of regret when he removed it.

"I'm just tired, Ken-shin." Her last statement was punctuated by a yawn and his name slipped off of her lips with more of an accent than she intended.

"You should--" Kenshin started, intending to send her off to bed. Her fingers on his lips stopped him from saying more.

"The cold air clears my head. Otherwise the numbers will invade my dreams," Kaoru replied.

She removed her fingers, only to flutter them over her mouth as she yawned again. As she finished the yawn, she patted her closed lips, not realizing that his gaze followed her fingertips' path with interest. 

She eyed him with sudden clarity. He was wearing only his favorite old gi and hakama.

"Aren't you cold?" she asked sleepily.

He flashed her a rurouni smile. "Not really, Kaoru-dono."

"Oh." She sighed unwittingly as her head drooped onto his shoulder. "Well I am."

A soft chuckle came from Kenshin. 

"Perhaps you should go inside where it is warm," he commented. But his hand found her shoulder and pulled her close enough to share the warmth of his body, belying his earlier words.

"Mmmm," she murmured appreciatively as she snuggled into his side.

Hip to hip, they sat in silence for a while, Kenshin's warm breath stirring the soft hairs that had come loose from her ponytail.

She breathed in his scent, memorizing it even as it comforted her. A strand of red tickled her cheek, and she took it between her thumb and forefinger, playing with it. She hadn't realized that his hair was down, but now she watched in fascination as the moonlight lit traces of dark fire on his hair as it slipped between her fingers.

"Kenshin," she paused, then hesitantly continued. "You may call me Kaoru if you want."

There was a breathless moment when Kenshin became unnaturally still. Then he shifted slightly, his movements gentle as his arm cradled her back and his hand came to rest on her waist.

"Thank you," he said simply.

She smiled into the night. "Welcome."

Another long silence followed as small clouds rolled across the face of the moon, their movement followed by two pairs of eyes.

She gave a small sigh of contentment, the vapor from her breath drifting away into the stillness.

Kenshin stirred, and Kaoru eased away from him reluctantly.

"You should be getting to bed, Kaoru-dono," he said as he stood, stepping onto the porch and offering her his hand.

Another sigh escaped her lips, this one tinged with regret, as she allowed him to pull her to her feet and herd her inside. He opened her door for her, then paused expectantly. She stepped away from the opening, distancing herself from the parting it represented.

"Would you like some hot tea, Kenshin? I'll even let you make it so it tastes good," she joked, her tone hopeful.

A shake of his head accompanied by another rurouni smile, this one just a little worn. "Good night Kaoru-dono." He spoke with a soft reprimand and turned to leave. 

She didn't want him to go; didn't want the time alone together to end, so she seized his hand with the vague intention of getting him to stay.

"Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin voiced, a question in his tone.

Her mind struggled to come up with a reason, and she blurted the first thing that came to mind.

"Are you going back outside?"

He paused then answered. "I might," he admitted truthfully.

Stronger conviction coupled with groggy confusion. "Don't you need sleep?"

"Only a little. I find the night sky peaceful," he answered again.

Dawning clarity, a sharper need to take care of Kenshin, a deeper yearning to share something meaningful with him. Her grip on his hand tightened. 

"I'm not going to bed without you," she declared, then blushed when they both realized the implications of her words.

Her gaze dropped as his came up to search her face. He sensed the awkwardness of the moment and sought to find a neutral subject. But before he could speak she plunged on ahead.

"Will you tuck me in, Kenshin?" she asked, stammering between words. 

His composure slipped, revealing shock, surprise, and disbelief. He struggled to keep his voice unaffected as he started to refuse.

She saw his intent in his eyes and knew that no less than the truth would keep him beside her.

"Father--Father died before I was ready to be grown up." The glitch in her voice was genuine and his protest died instantly.

His eyes searched the vulnerable sincerity of her blue ones for a moment, then glanced away.

"All right, Kaoru--" he started to say with a sigh of defeat.

Her fingers stilled his lips again.

"Just Kaoru," she corrected him. She kept a firm grip on his hand as she preceded him into the room. He shut the door, plunging the room into darkness. They both paused a moment to let their eyes adjust to the muted tones of gray inside the room. When she felt confident that she could move without hitting anything, she dropped his hand and ventured over to the trunk that held her clothes. Her hands busied themselves with opening the lid, but she paused before pulling anything out, glancing at Kenshin indecisively.

"What is it?" he whispered, wishing that she would give in to her nervousness and send him away.

"I need to change. Will you turn around?" She held up the sleeping robe expectantly. 

With a sigh he complied, the rustle of fabric bringing to mind erotic images of her. When she gave him permission to turn around, he did so slowly, wanting to make sure she had plenty of time to settle herself under the blankets. But to his surprise, she was sitting cross-legged on the futon, her nimble fingers twisting her hair into a braid.

There were other places he wanted her capable fingers to be, and the fact that her robe was showing entirely too much of her long, slender legs did nothing to lessen his uncomfortable situation. 

"Kenshin?" she asked, with her mouth doing that cute puzzled frown he had always liked and her eyes regarding him with affection and innocent trust.

"Shall I tuck you in?" he asked quietly.

She slid her feet under the covers and turned to her side, nodding her consent.

He noticed the way the robe gapped open to reveal the sweet curve of her youthful breast, but his fingers never touched her body as he pulled the blankets up to her chin. He swept the bangs away from her forehead and deposited a kiss there, much as he imagined her father would have. When he leaned back, her eyes were round with awe and adoration. Her mouth was ripe for plundering as her lips made a silent "O." But he merely smiled and brushed her cheek with his knuckles before getting up and heading towards the door.

"Kenshin?" she asked tentatively.

His hands fisted, then relaxed as he fought against the compulsion to ravish her soundly. He walked back to her side, his glare boring into hers.

Would the flicker of yellow in my gaze betray me? he wondered. 

His hands itched to stroke the pale skin of her vulnerable neck and slender shoulder. And where his hands went, his mouth would follow, branding her as his.

Another cute frown, to which he responded with a rurouni smile. He knelt beside her, his eyes silently worshiping her in the concealing darkness.

"Yes?" he asked, his voice perfect and neutral.

"Would you tell me a story?" she asked, seeking to stall his departure.

He sighed patiently then situated himself on the floor. "Of course, Kaoru-dono."

Anything for you, he thought to himself. As much as it hurt to deny himself the right to claim her, it also satisfied him immensely to love her. She who had stirred a heart he thought dead after Tomoe and to whom he responded in other, more earthly ways.

"What would you like to hear?" His voice was quiet, losing its strained edge.

Her eyelids flickered as she gazed up at him. A lazy, contented smile drifted across her face and he could not help but wonder if she would wear a similar smile after a long night of lovemaking. 

"Tell me one of your favorites, Kenshin," she replied at last.

His mind struggled to function with his rising sexual interest. It had been a long time after all, and Kaoru was regarding him with that expectant glare he always longed to wipe away with kisses.

"One of my favorites…" He stalled, as if musing over which story to tell.

Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully, as if doubting the direction of his thoughts, but there was nothing on his face to give him away, so she gave up with a sigh.

"Have you ever heard the one about the grasshopper and the ant?" he queried her after a moment's pause.

"Bugs?" she asked as she wrinkled her nose.

A smile lit Kenshin's lips. "Yes, a story about bugs."

A doubtful look passed over her expressive features, to which he responded with a mock scowl. She searched his face, but only found earnest seriousness.

Finally she settled back onto the pillow, and Kenshin took that as his cue to start.

"It was a beautiful summer day…"

Kaoru allowed her heavy eyelids to drift shut, and dozed to the soothing tones of Kenshin's voice. From the way he described the lanky, lazy grasshopper, it sounded just like Sano. Which meant that the busybody ant could be none other than Megumi. She smiled to herself as she pictured their heads on bug bodies, acting out the story. 

"…and so the ant was prepared for winter because it had gathered food all summer. But the grasshopper who had played all through the warm weather, was not. When the snow came, the ant was snug in its little home while the grasshopper was caught out in the cold. So he knocked on the door and asked the ant to let him in. The ant…" Kenshin's voice died away. When it failed to resume, Kaoru opened her eyes and sat up.

"And?" she asked, regarding him. From the puzzled look on his face, she had a sinking feeling that Sano the grasshopper had not made it through the winter.

"Well, I have heard two versions: one where the ant only has enough for itself and refuses the grasshopper and another where the ant shares what it has with the grasshopper." Kenshin finished with a sheepish look on his face.

Kaoru relaxed just a bit. "I like the second ending better."

Kenshin shared a smile with her. "So do I."

Kaoru looked up at him, not knowing that her heart was in her eyes. He meant so much to her. And tonight, in this relaxed moment, she could pretend that he would always be here with her. He was still very attuned to his surroundings, like a deer wary of danger, but tonight, with his hair down, he seemed approachable. There was something intimate about the way he was touching her tonight, and she was very much aware of his presence by her futon. Appreciation for the consideration he always afforded her bubbled up inside her until she could not sit still. Impulsively she leaned over and threaded her fingers into the flame red hair that had fallen over his shoulder.

Again he went incredibly still, like a wild animal under a timid touch. His eyes intensified, and Kaoru frantically focused on her hand as the blush stole across her face.

Since when have I ever been this forward? Kenshin must think me pushy and uncouth! She seriously berated herself as she allowed the red strands to slip from her fingers. Steeling herself, she looked up his face to gauge his reaction. His entire being seemed focused only on her, and the quiet intensity about him was unsettling because it carried the same absolute purpose that suffused his being when he wielded his sword.

Or perhaps she had seen wrong, because in the next instance, Kenshin was himself. She let her hand drop, somehow disappointed.

He stirred and rose to his feet. She let him, preoccupied with the feeling that she had just missed something important.

He paused in the doorway, the lamp in the hall illuminating his figure.

"Good night, Kaoru-dono."

She roused herself and struggled out from under the blankets. Climbing to her feet, she shouldered her way beside him in the doorway. Hesitantly she placed a hand on his scarred cheek and turned his face to the light, searching for a reaction, something she could place a finger on.

His countenance was friendly, open, and blank. She could read nothing in it. He eased his way out from under her scrutiny and out from under her hand. Discouraged, she started to drop it. 

But I may never get another chance like this. Resolve blossomed in her heart.

She delicately traced the downward slant of his scar with the pad of her finger.

"Does it bother you if I touch it?" She was standing inches away from him, her face upturned to his.

"No," Kenshin answered, and Kaoru wondered if she had just imagined the small quaver in his voice.

"Then does it bother you if I touch you?" She pressed on, curious as to what his reaction would be.

"No." When he answered this time, Kaoru detected an unsteady quaver in his voice.

Womanly instincts told her to draw closer, and she obeyed unquestioningly. She was so close she could feel his breath on her face.

"May I touch you?" She asked tentatively. 

He caught his breath, but his eyes never left hers, and she realized that he was as nervous as she was. She cradled his cheek in the palm of her hand, her thumb gently stroking his scar.

He took a deep breath, and the intensity of his gaze threatened to overwhelm her.

"Yes," he grunted deeply, so low that only she heard it.

She brought her other hand up and caressed his other cheek. Boldly, before she lost her nerve, she guided his lips down to within reach of her mouth. Their breaths mingled as she brushed her lips across his. It was sweet in its innocence, and she pulled away, her blush highly becoming. Her eyes locked with his as they fluttered open, seeking reassurance.

His irises had darkened to a rich velvet indigo violet, and there was a raw tenderness lurking in those purple depths that calmed her nervousness. Sometimes she had feared that in the heat of passion, like in the heat of battle, Battousai would appear with his pale gold eyes and his fierceness. As much as that intimidated her, it also excited her in dark, dangerous ways.

"That was your first kiss, wasn't it Kaoru?" His tone was extremely gentle, and any fear she had of being rejected was immediately quelled when he took her into his arms. One hand cradled the back of her head and the other came around to encircle the small of her back. After a moment, her arms found their natural place around his waist. She buried her flaming face into his shoulder, taking comfort in the familiar smell and texture that was Kenshin.

"Yes," she answered at last, this time her tone only audible to him.

"Ah Kaoru," Kenshin sighed with a wealth of emotion in his voice. "Never ever change who you are." Because that's the way I love you, he finished silently to himself.

Some of the day's tension eased from her, and Kenshin could feel her relaxing against him. Long past the time he should have let go and sent her off to bed, her arms remained lightly around him, silencing any thoughts he had of deserting her. After a while he feared that she had fallen asleep, but when he shifted his weight to his other foot, she stirred and tightened her grip.

"You could stay," she invited softly; so softly that he had to bend down to catch it. Did she notice that his heart had skipped a beat?

She eased away from him, and he could see that her face was bright red. "To sleep, of course," she corrected hastily.

Calm down, Kenshin, he cautioned himself. She is way too tired for the activities that come to mind.

She took his hand in two of hers and held it close like a precious treasure. "You may, if you want to. Do you want to, Kenshin?" Her gaze locked with his, and the open trust in her eyes was the undoing of his restraint. She deserved nothing less than the truth from him, no matter whether it shocked her or not.

"Yes, but sleep is not what I thought you meant," he replied truthfully.

Most surprisingly, her blush deepened and her lashes swept down to hide her expressive eyes. She lowered his hand, but retained her clasp on it.

"Would you promise not to do anything?" she whispered.

He sought her gaze to no avail as he reassured her. "I would never do anything to you that you didn't want me to."

Kaoru nodded, never meeting his gaze. She slowly backed into the dim room, leading him in. He thought about regaining his hand by force, but the sweet vulnerability of her emotions struck a chord in his heart and he could not refuse her.

Carefully she seated him in his former position by the futon, then went and shut the door. There was a moment of awkwardness when she realized he was still in his gi and hakama, but she rummaged around in her stuff until she came up with another sleeping robe.

"Here," she offered shyly, then turned her back.

He glanced at her once before standing, shedding his clothes and donning the robe that smelled like Kaoru. He touched her shoulder to let her know she could turn around, and she practically jumped out of her skin.

"I could-" he started, but she shook her head vigorously in response. She meticulously turned down the blankets and knelt on the side of the futon she had claimed as hers. She seemed to lose herself in her thoughts for a moment, as if she finally realized just what she was doing, but he could see dimly the firm set of her jaw and knew that she would follow through despite her doubts.

Nervously he sat on his side and studied her. They shared an awkward silence, and then Kaoru handed him his side of the covers. She laid down with her back to him and pulled the blankets up over her shoulder. He stared at her a moment longer, and then followed suit.

He lay there in the darkness for a while, acutely aware of her presence beside him. She stirred, and then eased her back against his, so that they were touching shoulder to hip. She settled into the covers, made a contented sound and whispered a soft good night. Soon after**, she was sleeping quietly, and Kenshin envied Kaoru her innocence.**

It's going to be a long night, he thought to himself as he tried to fall asleep.

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_Author's Notes_

Originally, I intended this to be a one shot fic, but it has taken off as a story, so I have kept writing. The main focus of this story is Kenshin and Kaoru as a couple, although I suspect that Kaoru will dominate most of the story. As a result, the other characters will make their appearances only when it suits the storyline. There will be original characters, but again, they will be to help the story along.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! 

Wolfspeaker, Gaiden, Joseph Parker; thank you for your continuous encouragement and support!

Annaneko, thanks to your editing, suggestions, and encouragement, my writing has gotten so much better and I always look forward to sending you my latest update. 


	2. Chapter 2 Inner Sanctums

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Standard disclaimers apply.

Some smut content.

thoughts

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_Definitions_

Chodoku - an original character, a male student who bullied Kaoru when she was little

hitokiri - a killer or an assassin

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Chapter 2: Inner Sanctums

Kaoru blinked, unsure of what had awakened her. Darkness rendered her sight useless, but her other senses came alive, informing her of a startling situation.

The soft heat of Kenshin's breath on her ear tickled, and there was _definitely_ a solid warmth curled around her. Through the thin material of her robe, she could feel the hardness of his chest and thighs. The hair on his leg was rough in texture against the tender insides of her knees. One arm loosely pinned her against him. 

She went very still, trying to cope with her conflicting feelings. A very great part of her screamed for her to get up and flee, but the tenderness in her heart bid her stay, and she fought bitterly against her panic before conquering it.

Slowly she repeated Kenshin's promise in her mind. A couple of deep breaths and she was ok, although unwinding enough to go back to sleep now seemed impossible.

Somehow he sensed her distress, and he tightened his grip on her waist while burrowing his face into the hollow of her neck. He sighed a word she didn't recognize into her hair, then drifted back into a deeper sleep.

She felt reassured, even as she felt slightly trapped. Tiredness began to drift over her again, and she relaxed with a strangled sigh into Kenshin's body. Drowsiness slid across her consciousness, and her eyelids drooped with heaviness. Distractedly, she noticed the large bulge nestled into the hollow at the end of her spine. When the hardness shifted against the sensitive skin there, she went rigid with shock, but Kenshin's firm grip on her waist prevented her from jerking away.

After a long, tense moment, in which he failed to wake up and devour her, she was forced to resume breathing and thinking.

Some male students from the dojo had been rather crude in their talk and actions in front of her until her father had put a stop to it. Chodoku and his gang had on occasion flashed her and she endured many leers from them before they were given a severe beating and told never to come back. Although she had never cherished these childhood memories, from them she had gained certain insights into what males were equipped with. But as to how that was supposed to work with her own body, she hadn't a clue.

The first thing Kenshin noticed upon waking was the crush of soft flesh and the tantalizing scent of jasmine, both of which sent a quick shiver of desire down his spine. Then he realized the way his arm was wrapped possessively around Kaoru's waist, securing her against him. 

He choked back a soft curse, mad at himself for exposing Kaoru to his aroused state up close and personal. Carefully he eased his pelvis away from hers, but she stirred at his movement, and Kenshin knew that the damage had been done. He put some distance between them, propped his head up with his elbow, and used his hand on her waist to pull her towards him until she was rolled over onto her back, staring up at him.

The stray moonlight reflected strangely in her eyes, making them seem bottomless and unreadable. Her face was a mask of perplex ion, and though he could tell that she was deep in thought, he couldn't tell whether her thoughts condemned him or were in his favor.

"What are you thinking about, Kaoru?" he dared ask in the too-quiet tension.

Her brow furrowed. "Intercourse," she** shared absently.**

Shock rippled through his body; that and anticipation. 

"Intercourse?" he repeated in a strangled tone. Something hot and giddy pooled in the base of his stomach. He smoothed the hair away from her eyes, simply because he could not stop himself from touching her.

She grew wide-eyed, and she realized belatedly what she had said. Her gaze flew to his, frantic to correct his misunderstanding; but the words died on her lips as she confronted the hunger and worship in Kenshin's eyes. He was regarding her as if she was some kind of miracle. As if she was some kind of scrumptious dessert.

His touch lingered along the line of her jaw, and she shivered with some unknown excitement. Butterflies took wing in her abdomen, brushing her insides to hypersensitivity with their silken fluttering. His eyes caressed her exposed skin, causing a blush to steal across her cheeks.

"Were you really thinking about intercourse?" he asked disbelievingly, his tone husky.

She blushed deeper. "Well, wondering about the mechanics of it."

"Mechanics…" he repeated with a stunned expression, then began to shake with irrepressible laughter.

She pouted, certain he was laughing at her. Inwardly she reveled in the sound of his unguarded and unhindered merriment. It warmed her to her toes and put her at ease. He tipped her chin towards him, his thumb stroking her pouting lip. There was a new, speculative gleam in Kenshin's gaze.

The butterflies in her stomach tripled.

Would he actually allow me to get close? Kaoru wondered.

His thumb paused in mid stroke, as if he sensed the direction of her thoughts. Experimentally, she flicked her tongue against his callus. The warm, wet sensation sent an involuntary shudder through him.

Yes, if I could get through his polite façade Kaoru thought.

Boldly her tongue returned, tracing the crescent of his fingernail. Another silent shiver shot down his spine, and he regarded her with dawning wariness.

And I could break through it, break his control, _if I dared_

Suddenly, the knowledge that she could reach past Kenshin's friendly mask was enough to ease past frustrations. From the bittersweet sorrow of her father's passing, gratitude blossomed in her heart. Although Kenshin was ten years her senior, although he had tucked her in and told her a story like her father use to, her thoughts of him were not in a familial way. Staring up into his familiar face, she realized that she did not feel the usual twinge of inadequacy that plagued her daily existence. Here, within the circle of his arms, she felt safe and accepted. _Cherished._

Suddenly it was too much to keep to herself. Sweet abandonment swept into her soul as she sought his lips with her own, giving herself up to the seduction of his touch.

The kiss was slow, a press of lips, an easing of the tension that sprung up between them. Involuntarily Kenshin's hand came up to cup the back of her head, angling her mouth against his.

"Beautiful," he whispered against her lips, staring into the glazed depths of her cobalt eyes. Then he closed his own eyes, losing himself in the sensations of her mouth. He explored her delicately with the tip of his tongue. She tasted sweet and fresh, like afternoon rain and honey. When her tongue tentatively touched his, he returned her parry, encouraging her to boldness until they both came up gasping for air.

Their gazes clashed and excitement flashed between them, then Kaoru buried her heated face into his shoulder. He gathered her against him in a fragile embrace, one that could be easily broken if she wished. He noted when her fisted grip on the front of his robe relaxed, and allowed his own tense readiness to seep away. 

She pressed her palms flat against his chest, and slowly moved her hand towards his bare skin. Guessing her intent, he caught her wrist and lifted it away from his body. This caused her to look up at him, and he read confusion and blind need in her hazy glance. 

"No more," he commanded quietly. The fog cleared from her vision, and he caught a glimpse of her pain before she dropped her eyes. She had taken his command as a rejection.

Firmly he lifted her chin until she was forced to meet his gaze.

"You cannot charge blindly into this, Kaoru," he reprimanded her softly. "You are not into casual coupling and you are the type who gives her heart when she gives her body to someone-" At this she started to protest, but he laid a quieting finger on her lips. "I know, because I am like that." 

Her eyes widened slightly, and he could see the inquiry in her gaze. He made a quick decision, and with a deep breath he began. 

"There was someone I loved," he stated, watching her closely for any sign of resentment or accusation. As he warmed to the memories, his eyes grew distant and misty, his tone flat with suppressed emotions. "The first time I met her, she was covered in the blood of an assassin I had just killed. She fainted, and because she had seen my face, I was forced to take her with me. My superiors had her background checked out and when they found nothing suspicious, her death was postponed. She had no family left in Kyoto, so the owner of the inn where we were based took her in so they could keep close tabs on her activities.

"When the police began to viciously root out and kill our compatriots, it was decided that her and I would pose as husband and wife and live out on a little farm to escape detection." He paused, a sad smile lifting the corners of his mouth. "Those were some of the happiest days of my life." 

He turned to Kaoru then, as if belatedly realizing she was there. Her posture radiated open sympathy, but her eyes were shadowed with uncertainty. There was a glint of jealous hunger in her eyes; the same hollow expression a street orphan would wear when peeking in on well fed, well loved children on a cold winter's night. Kenshin's chest constricted like a fist, and he wondered for a moment if Kaoru's life had been more lonely than his.

"And?" Kaoru prompted him softly. 

He regretted ever starting this story, both because he was too much a coward to risk ending their easy camaraderie, and because he feared the hurt it might cause Kaoru. But he had, and it was for the best that Kaoru reject him now, as she should once she understood just how dangerous it was to love him. Reluctantly, as if feeling a great weight settling on his shoulders, he continued.

"She came to me one night, as a wife comes to her husband, and my love for her was complete. I did not know then that I had killed her fiancé and that she had sought me out to kill me. We continued on like that, her in her silent misery, until she left me one snowy winter morning; unable, I think, to personally carry out her revenge. With her gone, her fellow betrayers were able to lure me into a death trap using her name. I killed every man that stood in my way, and then I discovered her there, with the leader. He and I fought as she watched, and at the last minute, she threw herself between our blades, whether to stop him or to stop me I never knew. My blade killed them both in the end, and she died in my arms, apologizing to me. Me, her love's killer." Bitterness dripped from his tone, and behind it, his self-loathing seethed, searching for an outlet. The metallic taste of guilt lingered in his mouth, and with the sharing, the long festering wounds in his soul were laid open and raw.

Kaoru's eyes were round, and the tentative touch of her finger to his cheek brought away a red stain upon her skin.

"You're bleeding," she whispered in astonishment.

She laid her palm against the scar, willing away his hurt, wishing she could take away his pain. His eyes were downcast, he refused to look at her, but when his hand came up to cover hers, he did not remove it as she expected. Rather, he pressed it more firmly against his face, as if seeking comfort in her touch. He was shaking, as if his entire body was raked by grief, but his eyes were dry and void of cleansing tears.

Kaoru would have offered her embrace, but the freshly foraged bond was too new to stretch enough to accommodate this, and she feared that he would turn away. 

His trembling ceased as abruptly as it had began and he released her hand in an embarrassed gesture of his own. He made to rise, keeping his face turned away, but she caught his wrist, tugging him down to her. She followed him to her knees, her anxious face seeking his.

She looked up into the fever brightness of his eyes, shocked to see that they were fiery amber. The haunted shadow in them disturbed her, more so than the cold calculation of the hitokiri ever had. 

Her grip on his wrist tightened. She wished more than anything to share his pain, to show him that he wasn't alone.

Kenshin allowed her to halt his escape, caught between old grief and awakening love. The compulsion was too strong to fight, and slowly, against his will, he turned to her, the features of his face distorted with raw guilt. He steeled himself for rejection.

Her eyes were luminous with unshed tears, huge in her pale face. One word escaped her lips, more a sigh than a whisper as he bent to catch it.

"Stay."

_Stay._

Looking into her face, Kenshin knew she would cling to him, and if he refused her, here in this moment, she looked as though she might beg. He could not bear to see a proud woman like Kaoru beg, even if it meant forgoing the solitude where he could nurse his grief.

He was poised above her, indecisive, and Kaoru's breath caught as she realized that he might choose sorrow's empty embrace over hers. Then weary resignation filled the yellow depths of his eyes, and she wondered silently if somehow he had read her selfish need to be held and reassured of her importance to him. 

He laid beside her and drew her against his chest. Seeking escape from the complexity of his emotions and her own, she hid her face from his view. She felt like a trespasser; like a thief in the night that had robbed Kenshin of his inner peace. 

His arms tightened like bands of steel around her, but she did not protest. One errant hand undid her hair, and he buried his face in her tresses, the scent of jasmine surrounding him, accepting him. The grief and guilt had been overwhelming, but suddenly it no longer consumed him. Somehow, it was enough that Kaoru was warm and real and safe in his arms and he found himself vowing never to let her go. Sleep settled like a golden cloak over him, wrapping him in gentle darkness, so that the last of his burden slipped away, leaving him among peaceful dreams of dark haired girls playing hide and seek among wild flowers.

Kenshin's breathing evened out into slumber, and Kaoru was glad of it as she lay quiescent against him. She wished she too could find that peace, but it was long in coming. The vicious little spiral of her thoughts would not let her be, so she lay in the dark, rubbing the texture of Kenshin's blood between her finger and thumb, brooding about this recent development in her love life.

Was there any of Kenshin's heart left for her after this unknown woman and her star-crossed fiancé had ripped it to shreds? And if so, would she be strong enough to be content with less than all of it? 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_Author's Notes_

Kenshin got around to telling Kaoru about Tomoe. Hurray, they're making progress! I guess its a little silly for the author to be cheering but seriously, Kenshin and Kaoru need a little help along the way.

*Spoilers*

*Beginning of rant*

 I finally got around to watching the second OAV. It was totally depressing and I really don't agree with the way they portrayed Kenshin. Would he really leave his wife and son? Would he really put Kaoru's life in danger by giving her an incurable disease? I'm ranting, I know, and there are spoilers in this rant. See? I put up a warning like a good author. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, I am merely stating mine. Ok, I'm done now.

*End of rant*

Thanks everyone for the reviews. They make me a happy person, so if you haven't left one yet, do so.

Wolfspeaker, Gaiden, Joseph Parker; thanks.

Special thanks to Annaneko! Go visit her site rkdreams.com!

Quickening has a great story called "Broken" about Inu yasha. Go read it.

That's it for now.


	3. Chapter 3 The Morning After

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Standard disclaimers apply.

Some smut content.

thoughts

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_Definitions_

Akebeko - a restaurant that Tae-san runs and Tsubame works at

beeeda - this sound, accompanied by pulling down the lower eyelid and sticking out the tongue, is an insult in Japan

buso - ugly

Jo-chan - Sano's nickname for Kaoru

Kami - God

kenpo - sword fighting

tanuki - raccoon (in the anime, Kaoru is nicknamed raccoon-girl)

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_

Chapter 3: The Morning After

The intimate warmth of Kaoru's body was the first sensation Kenshin experienced upon awaking the next morning. For a moment, he let that simple pleasure fill his being, his heart expanding with love.

He opened his eyes, beholding Kaoru's dark head bent in concentration as her nimble fingers wove a strand of his fiery hair in among two of her own shining darkness. He must have made some sound, because she raised her eyes to meet his, a shy, uncertain smile lighting her features. The corners of his mouth lifted in response, and his eyes glowed with familiar affection as he reached for the hand she was withdrawing from the braid.

Carrying it up to his mouth, he placed a kiss in the center of her callused palm. 

"Good morning, my lady," he greeted her softly.

Kaoru blushed, flustered by this change in Kenshin. She tugged her hand free to press both palms to her heated cheeks. Her insides trilled with excitement and her heart fluttered with the heady combination of open affection and the intimacy of being called "his lady." Deep contentment started at the bottom of her heart and expanded until she was encased in a warm glow. Lost in the rush, it was several moments before she noticed that Kenshin had thrown back the blankets and was getting up. 

Like a sudden storm, her disquieting concerns from Kenshin's midnight confession resurfaced, darkening her thoughts. Their time alone together was almost at an end, yet the fresh intimacy that had so excited her was forever tarnished by the thought that Kenshin had merely been humoring her. The woman of his dreams was dead, placing Kaoru as his second love at best. Was she merely a surrogate? An easement of Kenshin's guilt and grief? Her doubts refused to be ignored, forming into a dull ache deep in her chest, as if they intended to set up permanent residence there.

She turned to Kenshin, needing to share her thoughts; so that in the sharing, she might conquer the hold they had on her.

"Kenshin?" She heard the hesitancy in her voice and hated it. 

"Kenshin**-**" she started more resolutely. "About last night…"

Her first entreaty had made him pause, so that he was kneeling above her. She watched the emotions flit across his face as his solemn mask vied with his rurouni one. The result could be called a look of perplexed awkwardness that completely eclipsed the prior one of relaxed contentment.

Her questions died on her lips as she witnessed his sudden tenseness, his awful patience of waiting for the next blow to come. With sudden clarity she realized that he wouldn't avoid any of her inquiries, but that, even if she stilled her tongue now, she could not piece back together the feeling of peace he had awoken with.

She sat up and hugged her knees to her, avoiding the question she saw in his face, her lips pressed into a thin, unhappy line. She expected him to make a break for it when he had the chance, so the gentle hand on her shoulder surprised her enough that her gaze shot up to meet his.

"Kaoru?" Kenshin prompted gently, as if to assure her that she could ask the questions eating at her soul.

Kaoru began, but the loud sound of Sano in the kitchen, looking for breakfast, was enough to seal her lips. Suddenly, reality crashed in and their quiet night was at an end.

More urgent than her questions, her modesty demanded that she not be caught with Kenshin in her bedroom. Gone was the bravery of the night when faced with the two loud, crude, rowdy bachelors named Yahiko and Sano. 

Kenshin seemed to sense her reluctance, and he stood with a sigh, gathering his clothes over one arm. Kaoru threw off her side of the covers and accepted the hand Kenshin offered as he helped her up.

There was a moment, with him gently massaging the center of her palm with his thumb and with them both staring into each other's eyes, where they recaptured a ghost of the tenderness that had started the morning. 

Another imposing crash of Kami knew what in the kitchen startled Kaoru out of her trance and she propelled Kenshin towards the door with a hand on his chest. He allowed her to guide him until he was actually at the door, but he refused to leave when she gave him a final push. Using the hand he still held captive, he pulled her against him, encircling her waist with his free arm.

"Promise me we will talk about this later," he declared softly.

She pushed against his chest. "You need to leave! They are bound to come looking for you any moment."

His grip tightened, and his intense eyes, previously hidden by his bangs, burned into hers.

"Promise me," his voice was deceptively silken, but there was a razor sharp edge to it.

"Really, I'm fine. Just go!" she insisted, mild panic setting in.

"Kaoru." One word. Her name said with such authority, with a hint of possessiveness, as if he had the right to command her. She stilled in his arms and met his gaze with all seriousness, her urgency forgotten.

Swallowing past the sudden lump in her throat, she promised.

And just like that, with a kiss to her forehead, he was gone.

She leaned her head against the frame of the door, her forehead resting on her hand. She hadn't responded unquestioningly to authority like that since her father. Trembling slightly with nervous excitement, Kaoru tried to breath without a hitch in her chest. Later, she would be outraged, independent woman that she was, but the turmoil of conflicting emotions left her needing recovery time.

She had wanted to be cool and distant to him, to place a buffer between herself and him after he had declared love for another woman. Unsure of her own feelings, she lacked the conviction to overcome her own low self esteem and pursue Kenshin's love for herself. This unknown woman, this familiar stranger, now loomed larger than a deep frigid sea between them. 

How could I ever compete with an unselfish snow angel such as her? Kaoru thought forlornly. Indeed, a spectra with raven hair, kind face, pale rosy skin, off the shoulder pure white kimono, and soft feathery wings came to mind, sinking Kaoru into deeper depression as she again bemoaned the very unfeminine body of corded muscle that lay beneath her robe. 

I wonder if Kenshin likes tomboys, she mused with an ironic twist to her smile.

There was a loud squabble as Yahiko joined Sano at the breakfast table and with a sigh, Kaoru slowly went about preparing herself for the day. It was time for Yahiko's morning training, and with her head spinning from scattered thoughts, she was looking forward to some hard physical exercise. 

She frequently felt Kenshin's gaze on her throughout breakfast, but she refused to meet it, the sudden show of his authority still lingering, making her loath to revive the conflict.

The tension between them must have communicated itself to Sano, because he picked up her dishes and his own without so much as a complaint.

Yahiko, however, seemed oblivious to it all.

"Hey rooster head, if you're gonna play maid, why don't you take my dishes too?!" Yahiko chimed in his usual, obnoxiously loud voice.

Sano sent a cold scowl his way, but paused in making any retaliation. His eyes flitted from Yahiko to meet Kaoru's, and he cocked an eyebrow in her direction as if to say, "Isn't that your cue?"

The distraction worked, and she snapped out of her revere. Growing anticipation blossomed inside of her, and she set about her and Yahiko's morning quarrel with a vengeance. 

"Brat! Take your own dishes! And when you're done with that, go warm up with 200 strokes before you even think about coming to me for kenpo training! An apprentice should be seen and not heard!!"

Yahiko promptly pulled down his lower eyelid and stuck out his tongue. "Beeeeda." He wagged his tongue at her while edging to the door.

She stood up, her hands curling into fists. Pushing up one sleeve, she advanced toward him. "I'm going to get you!" she threatened.

"Buso!" he yelled triumphantly and scampered out the door with Kaoru hot on his heels.

Sano watched them go then cautiously approached the place where Kenshin was washing dishes. Setting the rest of the dishes down beside the slender red head, he got only an acknowledging glance instead of the usual "thank you" Kenshin greeted his help with. 

"What happened between you and Jo-chan?" Sano queried, then winced at the bluntness of his statement. He had meant for it to sound better.

Kenshin paused, taking a long look at the place where Kaoru had last sat with a haunted look in his eyes. At last he turned to back to the dishes, his hands busy again.

"I told her I had a wife during the war." Kenshin answered curtly, his voice softer, more serious, and deeper than usual.

Sano tried to keep his shocked reaction from showing and failed miserably. After a moment, he gruffly patted Kenshin on the shoulder.

"I'm sure she'll get over it with time…" He trailed off, not sure of what to say.

Kenshin turned suddenly and locked gazes with Sano. The strange fierceness in them unsettled Sano, and he realized that his adrenaline was flowing, that he was instantly on guard.

"I'm not sure if I want her to," Kenshin said, more to himself than Sano. The fierceness fled from his gaze, and his violet eyes looked hollow without it. Then Kenshin resumed washing, his face bent away from Sano. "She would be safer if she didn't," he muttered under his breath then fell silent as if realizing that he had said too much.

Sano opened his mouth, intent on asking another question, but never got the chance. Kenshin shrugged, signaling that the conversation was over, and reached for a drying cloth.

"You'll help me dry and put away while you're here, right?" He addressed Sano with an innocent smile.

Sano felt his worry seep away as his inherent laziness protested this new chore, but he reluctantly took the towel and complied. Even if Kenshin's smile had been just a tad over bright, it was not Sano's place to comment.

Yahiko's steps did not slow until the gate of the dojo was well out of sight. He walked with great care, favoring his right side where a bruise the size of his fist was developing into an awful blue-black color.

Kaoru had offered to be his sparing partner, and fool that he was, he had jumped at the rare opportunity. In reality it was a chance for Kaoru to beat him senseless. It was a testimony to his growing skill that he was able to deflect most of her blows, but then neither had Kaoru been seriously fighting him. She had attacked with her anger, and as a result, her strikes had been overzealous, unbalanced, and direct.

Yahiko shivered with dread as he remembered the look in her eye as she sent him off to Megumi. Whatever had been eating at her normally would have resolved itself by the end of morning practice. Instead, she had taken one glance at the darkening bruise and sent him off to the lady doctor with a frustrated and guilty set to her face. He had gone, choking back his protests, knowing that it would trouble her if he insisted they continue.

His thoughts turned to Megumi, wondering if the lady doctor could shed some light on Kaoru's strange behavior. And on Kenshin's too, for that matter. Something must have happened between those two, causing Kaoru to need to take out her frustrations on him. Now that he had left, he hated to think of what other outlets she would find to vent her feelings. The sudden thought of what dinner would taste like rose unbidden and he choked back the bile rising to his throat.

He examined the bruise again, a speculative gleam in his gaze. 

I wonder if this has enough sympathy points to get me lunch, Yahiko pondered to himself.

The thought of how Tsubame would fuss over him brought a slow smile to his lips. With a much lighter step, Yahiko set out for Dr. Genzai's to visit Megumi and then the Akebeko to visit Tae-san and Tsubame.

Megumi watched as the pesky brat left without so much as a thank you. She sighed and washed the ointment she had applied to Yahiko's bruise from her hands, her movements slow as she brooded over this latest development in Ken-san's and Kaoru's relationship.

She knew it was only a matter of time before Kaoru came to her for advice, and she sighed again because she was not sure she had any to offer. Although it was apparent to any onlooker that Ken-san had already marked Kaoru as his and that Kaoru was head over heels in love with him, the pair seemed to flounder in the shallows rather than making any headway.

She had given up on having Ken-san for herself and had nothing but good wishes for the couple, but every time Kaoru came to her, she was reminded of how he had chosen Kaoru over her. Of how he had only said good-bye to Kaoru. She had never flattered herself with thinking that she was his most important person, but it had stung that he did not consider her worthwhile to say farewell to.

She had accepted Sano's attempts at courtship and looked forward to leading the chicken-man on a devilish chase before agreeing to marry him. As of late, he had been slacking off in his efforts to woe her, and she had several nasty chores planned out as punishment. He was a good man underneath all that bravado, and was someone she was growing to respect, if not also love.

"But," she admitted softly to herself. "He is not Ken-san."

A sad smile lingered over her attractive features. No, he is not Ken-san, but then, there is no other man like him, she tempered the statement, striving to be fair in her judgment. Sano was many things, but Ken-san he was not. 

She knew that both Ken-san and Sano were men haunted by dark pasts, but only Ken-san could send that shiver of fearful excitement down her spine. She would trust Sano with her life, but only Ken-san could make her feel so completely _safe._ And that, especially late at night, alone with her nightmares, had been the real attraction she felt for him.

"Are you feeling alright?" Dr. Genzai asked worriedly, placing a callused palm against her forehead. 

Megumi jumped, blinking up at the good doctor with an uncomprehending gaze.

"Huh? Oh! Of course I'm fine. I just was thinking-" she paused, scrambling for words. "Of dinner. I think tonight would be an excellent time to take everyone to eat at the Akebeko."

Dr. Genzai rubbed his chin. "Hm. That sounds like an excellent suggestion."

Megumi waited until he returned to his patients before she allowed herself the deep sigh that had been building in her chest.

Well, that was clever thinking! And I just saved everyone from Tanuki's cooking too, she congratulated herself.

With a smug smile, she set about seeing to her other patients.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_Author's Notes_

I know I never update. Gomen. It's been a tough semester at college.

Thanks to Annaneko, my beta reader. You are the best.

Everyone, the reviews mean a lot. They inspire me write more.

Gaiden, Wolfspeaker, Joseph Parker, as always I will mention you here to show my gratitude.

Quickening has a great Inu Yasha fic called Broken. Go read it.

Annaneko's site is www.rkdreams.com. She has some great RK fan fictions, along with a forum where several noteworthy RK fanfic authors gather and discuss. Stop by and say hello.

Good luck on finals for everyone!


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